sad · words

Legions of feelings

They huddle at the edges
Culminating their efforts
Growing in numbers and strength
As I go about busying myself
Trying to inject some normal into life
I begin to forget the growls that have now become a hum as I walk the narrow line
In and out the memories ring in
In and out I duck to avoid that painful hug
The clock ticks
The pot of avoidance running empty
One night the edges cave in
Unexpected and fierce
The bloodthirsty and pained emotions reign
Wailing on the inside as I sink into what was
Grasping and missing the threads of strong feelings that once flowed at full force but the gates closed suddenly
My conscious mind drowns in the mix of real and ‘what if’ images orchestrated by my subconscious
A bitter fermentation of regret fills me
Tossing and turning I engage
Looking through a tunnel of what will only now be remembered
The cheers of glory from my subconscious and pained cries of my conscious mind colliding
My heart watches
Captivated but behind a cage
Now and then starting from a painful jab by an emotion neglected for too long
Hours pass
Reminiscing at peak pace.


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